Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bea Arthur is a Hilarious Pooper

I have had a dog for less than a week and I find myself incredibly concerned with poop. Is she doing it enough? Is it the right consistency? What's her favorite surface to poop on? I find myself following this dog around, cheering for it to poop. I remember when I used to be a grown man.

They say humans are at the top of the food chain, because we kill all the other animals. But I submit that any animal who has to clean up the poop of other animals isn't at the top of anything.

The good news is that Bea seems to be terrified to poop indoors. She'd be as embarrassed to poop in our living room as any house guest would. A friend told me that his dog sleeps in his bed, and sometimes poops overnight. As much as I love Bea, the second that action became repetative, she'd be someone else's dog. I am becoming a dog person - but that stops at the idea of bed poop.

The better news is that Bea is a hilarious pooper. She gets that same embarrassed dog hunch that every dog gets - but she poops, stops, waddles forward still in the hunch, and poops a bit more. It's simultaneously disgusting and hilarious. I'd imagine if I pooped like that when I was 6, I'd have gotten in a whole heap of trouble. Or any age, for that matter.

I will not post a picture of her pooping because, well, that's disgusting. Also, I don't want some creep to find it accidentally by searching the terms "Bea Arthur" and "poop." Which, by the way, there are almost 650,000 results for. Even Blanche would find that offensive.

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