Friday, June 3, 2011

Why Won't You Love Us?

It hasn't even been 6 hours, and already I'm worried that I'm a terrible parent. There are a million things that can go wrong when you have a dog, and though none of them have yet, I have this sinking feeling it's a matter of time. Okay, so a few things went wrong today.

We picked Bea up just after 5:30. Friday rush hour traffic - good start. Nothing is worse than sitting in traffic when you're incredibly excited to get somewhere. It's the same reason I don't understand the point of tantric sex. I'm too goal oriented.

We got a great parking spot, and ran in excited. Bea's foster mom gave us her crate and bed, a few toys she allegedly likes, and some food. Bea wasn't thrilled about getting in the car, and she drooled everywhere. Which led me to two things:

1) I love my car, but realize it is a necessary sacrifice. My car is a year old, and is in impeccable condition. Well, it was 24 hours ago. I have never understood people that throw garbage everywhere in their cars. My car is a very small place where I spend a great deal of time. I want it running well and smelling fresh - and it's not hard to keep a garbage bag on the gear shift and some spares in the back. But today, we put a living, breathing, shedding, drooling animal in the back seat and I decided that it's just a way of life now. I will still get my oil changed and my tires rotated and my filter cleaned - but my back seat is going to be full of dog slobber.

2) We want Bea to love us instantly, and that's not going to happen. Right now, we're the people that ripped her out of the one home she's ever had (aside from her shelter in Puerto Rico). She will grow to love us, but it will take time. Meanwhile, we can scream "why don't you love us?" in funny voices, and she won't understand because she only speaks Spanish.

The pet store was a great experience. There was no big Petco or Petsmart near the fosters, so we went to Pet Emporium in Brooklyn Heights. The owner was a guy named Sam who clearly loved dogs, and really took his time with us. He knew everyone that came in, and they knew each other - which was our first glimpse into how social a dog will make us. Sara and I fell in love because our mutual hatred for most of humankind - so us being forced to be social will be a good thing. We think.

We left with her food bowl, a bone, a clicker, some treats, a toy squirrel, and a new leash and harness, which we call Bea Arthur's matching pants suit. She has no interest in the squirrel or the bone, despite the fosters telling us otherwise. She does, however, love our hardwood floor. It's like buying a kid a new toy and watching them play with the box and the wrapping paper.

Bea and her matching pants suit.

The car ride with her into Manhattan was rough - she's clearly stressed, but she's got to learn to ride with us. I was happy I was driving. Sara doesn't drive much - so it's not a good idea to add a dog panting and drooling in the back seat who is trying to get into the front seat.

I had two shows, so Sara walked around with Bea while I went inside. I talked about Bea on stage, and told all the other comedians about her. Partly because I was so excited to finally have a dog, and partly because I had to explain why I was covered in dog hair. I was bragging - I don't know why, but I felt like having Bea just makes me a better person.

We drove home afterwards, and we're exhausted. We decided that we want her allowed on the couch so we can watch TV and hang out with her (Golden Girls, of course), but the bed is off-limits. As it is, Sara and I wake each other up every time we move. We don't need a dog making it even tougher to sleep. Hopefully she's as tired as we are. Somehow, I doubt it.

The couch - another thing for Bea to ruin.

"Why won't you love us?!!!"

We walked her just before bed - which was very pleasant since the weather is awesome. She peed for the first time with us (after 20 minutes of trying to find the right spot), but hasn't pooped yet. Sara says it's because Bea is uncomfortable and stressed. Maybe I'll see if my parents can give her any advice on the matter.

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